I am the Secret Introvert, and I am you! And like you I am fiercely protective of my privacy and solitude, that’s why who I am is a secret. Shhhhh.
I also don’t want my employer to know some of the things I’m going to share with you on this blog, the kind of things I’ve never shared with anybody who knows my name, the type of things I only feel comfortable saying as the secret introvert.
I’m an introvert. Like really. On the scale of 1-10 I’m a 10. I’m also a highly sensitive person (HSP) which means that things like light, noise and social interaction are too intense and burn me out really quickly. Again a 10. I can go like an hour tops at work without the fluorescent light blinding me and the office chatter piercing my ear drums until I’m in such a state of overwhelm, I need to sit in the bathroom for 15 minutes. I also suffer from social anxiety… so, go me.
Every morning I look into the mirror, I look tired, exhausted, as I slip my mask on and enter an extroverted world. But it’s slipping. Oh boy it’s slipping. I’ve been wearing it so long my face is itchy, I feel like I’m suffocating, I feel like I’m being crushed under the weight of everyday life.
People just don’t get it. They don’t understand why people like us aren’t like them. Happy standing in the office kitchen gossiping. Talking bullshit in meetings to drag them out until lunch, when they can go off and chat some more. They can’t understand why, after 8 hours in a box, we just want to go home and lie in bed with the lights off. They can’t understand why we spend the weekend alone, doing nothing, desperately trying to recharge our failing batteries.
I don’t know how yet, but I know that I need to get out. To live an authentic life that suits me. I’m in my early 30’s, I’ve tried so many different careers and fields, you wouldn’t believe how varied, all in search of that one passion. That one thing I want to do for the rest of my life that I can be happy with.
I’ve only just learned this year that that’s bullshit. I’m complex, I have many many interests. I’m not going to pigeon hole myself anymore, always searching, never finding. I’m not going to squeeze into what society thinks I should do. I’m going to craft my own life, on my terms.
I’ve given myself the date of 22nd September 2017 to jack in the job and walk out that office for good. My Independence Day.