Yesterday I had so much hope as I took a sneaky sick day off, spending the day writing the blog, recording a podcast and even a video for YouTube (they’ll come soon if I can bring myself to share them 😬).
I felt like I was unleashing my creativity and that felt great. But of course, I didn’t earn a wage for my day’s efforts. And that’s kinda scary, that I could leave my job and spend my days happily plodding through life creatively, but unable to support myself and my family.
Non the less I was full of hope for the future, for the possibilities of my creativity.
But last night, rather than edging towards giving up work and pursuing my inclinations I agreed to stay in my job, at least until I could start earning money on the side as a sort of proof of concept.
I felt relatively ok with this, it’s not just me in my relationship, compromises must be made. I get that.
But this morning I have woken up full of sadness, with a sense of dread in my gut as I get ready for a day at work.
My body and mind are telling me which path to take. But society has other plans for me, they don’t want me to separate myself from the herd. They want to patch me up and put me back in the game.
How can I build anything on the side when I feel totally burnt out by work? I feel like I’m trapped forever in open-plan hell. Without the time it robs of me I’ll never be able to do my own thing.