Feeling hopeless for my escape from work this morning

Yesterday I had so much hope as I took a sneaky sick day off, spending the day writing the blog, recording a podcast and even a video for YouTube (they’ll come soon if I can bring myself to share them 😬). 

I felt like I was unleashing my creativity and that felt great. But of course, I didn’t earn a wage for my day’s efforts. And that’s kinda scary, that I could leave my job and spend my days happily plodding through life creatively, but unable to support myself and my family.

Non the less I was full of hope for the future, for the possibilities of my creativity.

But last night, rather than edging towards giving up work and pursuing my inclinations I agreed to stay in my job, at least until I could start earning money on the side as a sort of proof of concept.

I felt relatively ok with this, it’s not just me in my relationship, compromises must be made. I get that.

But this morning I have woken up full of sadness, with a sense of dread in my gut as I get ready for a day at work. 

My body and mind are telling me which path to take. But society has other plans for me, they don’t want me to separate myself from the herd. They want to patch me up and put me back in the game.

How can I build anything on the side when I feel totally burnt out by work? I feel like I’m trapped forever in open-plan hell. Without the time it robs of me I’ll never be able to do my own thing.

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6 thoughts on “Feeling hopeless for my escape from work this morning”

  1. I left the depressing cage just 3 weeks ago and it was the best decision I have ever made.
    I felt trapped like you just explained, how the hell do you have the energy and not to forget, the creativity, to start something new from scratch when you’re still inside the cage that simply drains your will to live?
    I saved up enough so that I knew I could provide my share of our bills for at least 3 months, thankfully I have a supporting partner and even if it would take me a little longer than that, he is fine with it.
    If your partner worries, then simply make a deal -after those 3 months you’ll go back into the cage if your plans have failed on you and you can’t provide. Meeting half way is always the key but hopefully your ideas and plans have started rolling out by that time and you get some income.
    I also turned even more minimalistic before leaving the cage. Do I really need that premium on Spotify? Or that monthly subscription of *insert useless shit here*? Do we have to go out and eat every weekend?

    I’ve just spent the last 2 weeks simply enjoying life, bought myself a harmonica and walked the woods, taking photographs and simply being.

    Now I’ve started working on the plans and ideas I had to become my own boss and I’ll simply have to see where the road leads me, but the peacefulness and creativity that has woken up inside of me is beyond amazing and it’s worth it, a million times over!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. This comment has raised ny spirit so much! It’s so nice to know there are others out that are doing it.

      I have saved up about 4.5 months income and have too cancelled a lot of stuff I was needless paying for. Plan to sell a lot of n stuff too, sure it’ll help with the money but it’s more the liberation from the things I crave.

      You are so brave. How long were you planning? Did you have your date set or did you just wake up one day and think… this is it? Do you have any ideas about what you want to do or are you just planning on figuring it out in your own time?

      I totally hear what you’re saying about peacefulness and creativity. I expect I’ll need a few weeks to de-work my brain and get the space I need to do my thing 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so introverted and have so much social anxiety that I was hesitant to reply to your blog because it will be a public comment. 🙈
    I know exactly what you are going through! I work the 9-5, desperately wanting to do my own thing, feeling burnt out after work and not being able to work on what’s needed to start my own business. I’m not even confident enough to start my business. Working 8 hours for someone else is mentally draining and blocks my creativity so when I get home I just can’t focus on anything. I can go on and on about it but I don’t want to bore you. And I can’t get all of my thoughts into words!
    Have you ever tried meditating after work? I’ve done a 20 minute guided meditation for a couple of evenings and it seemed to clear my mind and allowed me to focus. I just need to make it a habit. Well, thanks for your blogs! Keep them coming! 🙂 And best of luck with your future endeavors!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for finding the courage to comment. Sometimes I feel alone doing this but when someone reaches out like you have it is amazing to know I’m not the only person who feels like this about work.

      I have tried mindfulness, I use the Headspace app and was doing it every day for a while but now only every now and then. I need to make it a habit because it does make a difference.

      It honestly wouldn’t have bored me, again it’s nice knowing there are more of us out there 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Before leaving my job I discussed it with my partner and had an ongoing battle in my head for about 3 months until I just had enough one day and gave them my leaving note. I also felt “bad” for my previous company since I felt I wasn´t productive enough (even though they thought so). So not only would I feel completely drained when I arrived home, I also had this huge weight on my shoulders of guilt not giving 100%, it was just a bad spiral and I knew I had to leave.

        I am kind of figuring it out what I´ll do as I go, thankfully I am bilingual so I have the opportunity to translate/teach my native language. The major issue comes with the introversion and social anxiety since you really have to put yourself out there and “sell” yourself or you won´t land any jobs. My usual “Hey hire me, I am kind of okay at what I do” has to be worked on – A lot!
        I also landed a contract with a Pet Sitting company, as I love animals and walking I might as well do that as well when I have time over, I can´t really be picky now in the beginning. (See, I even feel that I need to make an excuse here – Fuck it – Yes, I rather walk dogs like some damn student than be in that hamster wheel. Nothing wrong with it!)

        One of my concerns still is how other people will view me, I shouldn´t care, but I do. Our society is built on climbing that damn ladder, earning a lot of money, slam a fancy title to your name, and buying junk to impress others.
        I don´t care about money or fancy titles, but how will address people when they ask me what I do?
        “I am almost 30 and walk dogs and translate Swedish”
        I fear the most that I´ll be viewed as lazy. But at the same time, if I am happy with my life then who the hell are they to judge?

        (And Hi Kris, good job on commenting, this is the first blog I´ve ever commented because of the same reasons you mentioned. So I feel ya!)

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Senja,
    I know exactly how you feel about how people will view you based on what kind of job you have. But dog walking sounds awesome! At least you get to spend time in nature and around animals who don’t judge you!
    I’m in my late 30’s, at a dead end job and I am 100% blaming it on my social anxiety.
    That is why I want to work for myself so I don’t have to worry about job interviews and all that stuff anymore! 😆
    I design stationery as a hobby and sell it to my my few friends and family. I’m so hesitant to start a business because I’m terrified of failure and what people would think of me! But hopefully I will gain some confidence soon so I can quit my job and live life to the fullest! 😊

    Like

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